First Church of Americhrist

Dear Evangelicals:

Is there anything more American than this?

Although He would not be proven right until much later, Jesus nicknamed James and John "Sons of thunder".

What did they do in the wake of this powerful naming ceremony (For, it is always powerful, and carries more than a hint of ceremony, when someone names you)?

Depending on who's doing the reporting, they either pestered Jesus -- or, had their mommy do it -- to award them the most powerful positions in the coming kingdom.

Like I said, is there anything more American?

And then, Jesus showed them just how this boss thing is done.

First, He declined to wrest from His boss the authority to promote these manly specimens.

Then, He told J and J in front of everyone, that the only way they'd ever rise that high would be by serving their inferiors -- the same way He was about to do.

Burnnnn!

It got worse. Jesus said, You know those people you won't even look in the eye because they're so unclean? Well, you just asked for the same kind of "authority" they have. 

And He was more than a little bit cheesed off (Verse 41).

Jesus could have ended the discussion there, but He's Christ, not Americhrist, so he waited until the time was right. And then, He showed them exactly what He meant.

Knowing He was going to die, He ate dinner with the twelve. When they were finished, He stripped, put a towel around Himself, and ... wait for it ... proceeded to wash the disciples' feet.

These were not feet that had been encased in first-quality walking shoes and moisture-wicking socks. No, they were feet shod in cheap, homemade sandals. Feet that had transported them everywhere they went on land. Rough, callused, perhaps diseased ... feet. (John 13:1-17 New King James Version)

Notice how Jesus drove the point home in verses 15-17, "For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

Then, He went out; prayed and ugly-cried in some community garden; then, let Himself be arrested, assaulted, subjected to a show trial, and crucified.

Like a boss.

Where Hate Lives

Dear Evangelicals:

Today, we're accustomed to thinking of hate as an emotion exclusive to the fringes. Hate isn't in us; it's in white nationalists, ISIS, and all those liberals who, uh, scorn biblical teachings by shunning those who think being queer is a sin.

You know how I feel about that last item, so let's talk about the notion that hate is not a first-world problem, that it's not a Christian problem. Truth is, hate runs rampant throughout the Christian community -- left, right, and center.

Even the social justice warriors on the left, the millennials who swore they wouldn't become their parents, fall victim to hate. And why?

Because they worship Americhrist above all else.

Just like their parents, these left-leaning Americhristians chase fame, recognition, and status to the exclusion of all else. Just like their parents, they talk a good game, but are rarely -- if ever -- found in the trenches (Children can't change their religious affiliations? Thoughts and prayers 💗🎈🌈.) And, just like their parents, the new wave of Americhristians will cut you dead if you don't beat the drum for their latest project.

Whether you like it or not, that's hate.

About Jesus, John said, "He must increase while I must decrease." About us, Jesus said, "“Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I’m leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn’t, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:23-27, MSG),

If you withhold liberating, biblical truth from others because telling it would require you to decrease; if you are the focus of all your efforts, you're more about hate than love.

Sooner or later, Somebody's gonna notice.

Not Even Jesus

Dear Evangelicals:

In John 6:44, Jesus says, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him."

In John 14:6, He says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

But, in Matthew 18:3, He says something I never noticed before, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That's it, above, in the yellow box.

What Jesus is saying is, it doesn't matter if He and God work a symbiotic miracle to bring you before them both. If your attitude is wrong, if your heart is hard and cynical, if your beliefs are calcified because they're endorsed by earthly powers or shored up by your church seniority, you won't make it into God's kingdom. 

If you insist on doing things without asking Him which way is right -- the way a child would ask a wise and loving parent -- you're lost. If you don't trust Him to break you down and build you back up again, to scrub out the poison of false teaching, "you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."

Yikes.

Now, before you go contemplating stripping yourself spiritually naked in front of yet another fallible human -- me included -- don't. Here's why:

In Hebrews 8:10-11, God says He, and not other humans will teach us, a point echoed in 1 John 2:27. In John 15:5, Jesus tells us, "Without Me, you can do nothing" -- a reminder that helps me get back to that childlike attitude when I get too bitter.

And, when we're in trouble, Paul writes in Hebrews 4:14-16, we are entitled to come boldly before the throne of grace, because Jesus, our high priest receives us without an intermediary. He was tempted in every way that we are, and He understands intimately what we're going through.

There are some cynical, horrible professing Christians out there who would presume to teach you. Some of them lied/are lying outright. Some of them were taught false doctrines, and never bothered to verify them through prayer and study because they trusted their teachers -- or feared them. Some of them are predators.

Jesus is not like any of them. He is gentle and patient, a friendly teacher who meets you on your level. He lets the little things go, but doesn't hesitate to correct you definitively when you get stubborn and insistent. He doesn't gossip about you. He doesn't force you to compete for love, acceptance, or anything else.

Don't believe me. Go to Him. If I have anything to teach you, it is this: First, last, and always, go to Him.

Taking Sides

Treasure In A Song

Dear Evangelicals:

 "A treasure hidden in a field".

Consider, then, the message hidden in this song since it was released by The Association in 1966:

Every time I think that I'm the only one who's lonely
Someone calls on me
And every now and then I spend my time in rhyme and verse
And curse those faults in me

And then along comes Mary
And does she want to give me kicks, and be my steady chick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales of all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire in the eyes of chicks
Whose sickness is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played and neighbor folks 
make jokes
As who is most to blame today

And then along comes Mary
And does she want to set them free, and let them see reality
From where she got her name
And will they struggle much when told that such a tender 
touch as hers
Will make them not the same

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed, the gassed
And flaccid kids are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs are left unsung and hung upon the scars

And then along comes Mary
And does she want to see the stains, the dead remains of all 
the pains
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies, and make them
Realize their urgent cry for sight no more

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

 "Along Comes Mary", written by Tandyn Almer


This is not the money or the power or the revenge on the 
differently-faithful that you imagine you have coming to you 
in this life. This is a song about a savior who gave birth to a 
Savior. 

This is a song about the ways that you and I, as Christians, 
are supposed to heal folks every day. And it's been hidden 
away all this time, because it's old, and you need Google to 
tell you what's being said.

A treasure hidden in a field. Do you see it?

That's the question Jesus asks us every day, and the answer we give is literally a matter of life and death for everyone concerned.

There is this little story in Matthew 18:2-4 (NKJV). Maybe it'll help:

Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Special Rights

Dear Evangelicals:

Have you heard the latest from the A.F.A.'s syndicated hate spewer, Bryan Fischer?

It seems that Fischer and, by extension, the American Family Association, want to put an end to single-use restrooms, because such facilities give transgender people what Fischer terms "special rights".

Let's not beat around the bush: We know you put country over God, so let's see what  U.S. Constitution has to say about extending "special rights" to certain groups.

There's a bogus legal argument equating single-stall restrooms with bills of attainder, easily torpedoed by the simple fact that anyone can use a single-stall restroom. In fact, it's often necessary to use the single-stall facility when the restroom is crowded. But then, Fischer is male, and wouldn't know about such things.

So much for prescribed gender roles strengthening the fabric of society. If you Quiverfull crazies stopped insisting that a mother should be mastering the art of folding dinner napkins instead of the art of drafting legislation, we wouldn't have this problem.

But I digress.

The only other argument is the eternal chicken-or-egg debate over the Fourteenth Amendment's Equal Protection Clause. To which I say, scream all you want; the final decision will depend on which judge you get. Deal with it.

Which brings us to that Book you don't want to obey unless you agree it.

The Bible commands Christians to defend the oppressed, the foreign and the foreigner, the persecuted, and the weak -- even if they are, as Fischer says, "a tiny little slice of the population".

Especially if they're a tiny little slice of the population.

Don't believe me? Head on over to Bible Gateway, and do a search for "weak", "oppressed", "stranger", or "alien".

There will be those of you who marshal every legalistic argument in the book -- your book, I mean -- to worm out of obeying the Almighty God. Many of you will retort that it's absurd to call transgender people aliens and strangers because you are cursed with them in your own lives.

The book of James (one of my favorites) would tell you that, if you're so insistent on following the law, you'd better follow every last bit of it, or you are guilty, and will be so judged.

One thing about that judgment: There's no rotating pool of judges who might hear your case. There's only One.

How do you like the sound of special rights now?

Easy

Dear Evangelicals::

Ever feel like you're swimming upstream? Working hard and getting nowhere?

Then, you're probably giving yourself your own assignments, when Jesus says, "Come to Me."

You don't know what God's work is unless you ask him. So, ask; don't assume. "What do you want me to do now?" It's just that simple.

The Joke That Is God On the Cross

Dear Evangelicals:

Every atheist, skeptic, agnostic, and practitioner of other faiths -- all those who've proven immune to your evangelizing, in other words -- would say the same thing as John Stott says in that quote.

You're out there "living your best life now" while people are suffering, bleeding, and dying right in front of you. Yes, the war within is every bit as bloody as the wars over there in the global south.

If non-Christians are immune to your pitch, it's because you're immune to their pain. You're going to kick and scream and struggle against the goads. The fact remains that saying the words without getting down in the mud with the suffering is exactly who you are, and it is literally killing your evangelism.

Judging by those of your fellow evangelicals who've changed their hearts about what you consider non-negotiable, "Bible-based" teachings, it's going to take trial by fire to teach you what Jesus wept over: You. Lack. Empathy.

You are cold-hearted and hard-hearted. You'd rather fight to the death to uphold the law than die to your churchy friends because you've extended grace to women, people of color, the poor, lgbtq folks, the disabled, the orphaned, the friendless, the jobless, the homeless -- you know, all the unlovely types who must surely be sinning, else they'd have the perfect life that you have. Right?

I've said this a million different times in a million different ways, but you can't learn empathy by reading a blog. You have to go through something -- something that will cut you off at the knees and humble you before those you fear and hate most.

I've compared you to alcoholics and addicts on a dry drunk, and, like them, you'll have to hit bottom in order to get well. You'll have to be hit hard by circumstances that completely overpower you, and strip you of every preconceived notion you have.

And preconceived notions are all you have.

Everyone you've ever known will have to turn their backs on you. You'll have to be stripped of everything and everyone you've manipulated to serve your twisted, hateful, entirely un-loving and un-Christian agenda.

So, you're living off the kindness of strangers in some bedroom community shoe-horned against the backside of a hill, where you can't even smell the ocean. You're stuck in a rented room; eating your landlady's crappy, vegan cooking; miles away from all your fabulous, Jesus-y friends -- just as an example. But, you're so full of yourself that you can't possibly imagine anything worse.

Let me give you an example of something worse: jobless, homeless, hungry, and friendless, with no one to take you in and feed you because they know you treated your last benefactor like garbage.

Yes, no matter how bad things are, they could always, always, always be worse.

I pray it happens soon.

First-World Problems

 Dear Evangelicals:

It must be nice to have so much that you can demand of God that He let you have your cake and eat it, too.

What Is Love?

Dear Evangelicals:

Yup, Covey is one of your guys. That doesn't mean he can't come up with the occasional wise word.

How he applies it may be another story, but this isn't about him. It's about you.

Earned and fought for -- you don't get love any other way, except from Jesus. The challenges inherent in human relationships should make you appreciate the unfathomable free gift of eternal salvation every day, but even that's backwards.

See, the way it's supposed to work is that you are so staggered by the God-Man's free gift of eternal salvation, paid for in blood, that you yourself give love freely, no matter what it costs you.

Love is not a feeling. It is not the stuff of frothy, romantic comedies and dizzy, obsessive love songs. Love is a verb -- an "action word" as they used to tell us in grammar school.

Now, how are you going to live it out?

Oppression Is Really Depressing

• Dear Evangelicals:

Ecclesiastes is pretty depressing. No, scratch that; Ecclesiastes is hugely depressing.

What's even more depressing is the way you choose, daily, to join up with the oppressors instead of siding with the oppressed.

There are other books in the Bible where God makes plain the consequences to those who cheer on the oppressors and pile on the oppressed; Jeremiah and Ezekiel come immediately to mind. Those books are depressing, too.

In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says:

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

If, by some weird mischance, you think siding with the oppressors counts as the narrow way (because you're perverse and stubborn like that), go on with your bad selves. It's more than likely you won't see where it gets you until you're on your deathbed.

You know the most depressing thing of all? Some of you are counting on it.

Charles Marsh Reclaims Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Dear Evangelicals:

If you think you know Dietrich Bonhoeffer, think again.

The vast majority of you learned the name of Bonhoeffer -- but little else -- from Eric Metaxas' revisionist, right-wing fantasy, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy.

Very dramatic, I'm sure, but all it's really done is convince you to martyr your common sense for an antichrist named Donald Trump.

Wanna know the real story? Read this piece, "Eric Metaxas's Bonhoeffer Delusion", by legitimate Bonhoeffer scholar, Charles Marsh.

Open Your Mouth

Dear Evangelicals:

Funny thing about you: Invariably, the only reason you open your mouths is to put something in them. If you're speaking up at all, it's for yourselves and the imagined oppression you're going through. Not being able to pray in school is not does not count as oppression.

If you're slightly more evolved, you're speaking up for the oppressed, but only as long as they're living on the other side of the world. Only as long as all you have to do is send money. God forbid you should have to take a risk. God forbid you should have to open your mouth for someone whose religion, ethnicity, gender identity, financial situation, or disability will embarrass you in front of your powerful friends and colleagues.

Only, God doesn't forbid it. He commands it, with no exceptions.

If you don't look out, He'll put you in a position where your very life and health depend on someone speaking up for you. But, don't believe me; ask Christians who've been through it. Seriously, go ahead; I'm right here. All you have to do is comment on this post.

Sideshow Freaks

 Dear Evangelicals:

"And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?

"Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace." (Matthew 6:5-6, MSG)

So, those sweaty, scream-y, hysterical church services? Praying at the top of your lungs? Making a big show of asking the blessing on the meal to impress your unchurched -- or too churched -- guests? Babbling in a 'language' no one can understand? Jesus says the attention you get by pulling those stunts is all the reward you'll ever get. He's on to you, and He's not a fan.

Sure, that's a very modern translation up there -- a paraphrase, in fact. 

Funny enough, it sounded just about as contemptuous of your self-absorbed sideshow antics in 1611, the date of the first King James edition.

Folks, when an English king signs off on a passage about the dangers of putting on airs, you know you're in trouble.

Filthy

Dear Evangelicals:

Don't make this about Jesus or God's promises to Israel. This is about your garbage behavior and your deeply-ingrained self-regard, end of report.

What would Jesus do when faced with the great unwashed?

This.

If you're not imitating him, yet still calling yourself a Christian, you're the one who's filthy.

Ubuntu

Dear Evangelicals:

Christ's kingdom is not America, and America is not Christ's kingdom.

That means whatever "it" is, you can't do it alone. With the great commandment, Jesus calls us to cast off independence, self-reliance, and going our own way. He calls to to join with him and with others to live, not co-dependently, but inter-dependently, the way Bishop Tutu describes in his definition of the Shona word, ubuntu.

I'm American, too, and I don't like it. Personally, I'd give my eyeteeth not to have to ask anyone for a favor. Nevertheless, there it is.

So, here's the deal: If someone has to ask you for a favor, and you can do it, you'd better. If Jesus is "watching" anything, He's watching that.

If you've had to ask for favors, and been rejected by lazy, complacent, greedy, narcissistic, and self-satisfied people, don't give up. Those people will be punished, and you will be uplifted, one way or another. If you believe the Bible, believe that, because that's what the Bible says.

As for my non-believing readers, I see you and I love you, and I ask you to call to mind that old, familiar saying about karma. You know the one.

The Evangelical Justification For American Fascism

Dear Evangelicals:

Yeah, you've seen this meme. It's usually used to encourage less-than-perfect people like you and me to do God's work. But recently, Franklin Graham, whose 2015 salary was $880,000.00  (Check the 'poor and needy' tag to see how God feels about that, uh, weakness) cited that meme in defense of Donald Trump.

In case you missed it, Graham has endorsed Trump for president. Graham waved away concerns about Trump's hateful agenda with a few examples -- David and Moses, to be specific -- from this meme.

There's just one problem: Neither David nor Moses were committing the sins of adultery and anger (Graham cited Moses' anger issues) when they were granted authority over Israel.

Of David, God famously said he was "a man after My own heart." The Bible also says that God spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to a friend.

Check the 'poor and needy' tag again. Do you really think that Donald Trump is a friend of God, or a man after God's own heart?

How Concerned Are You?

Dear Evangelicals:

I wonder what this means in terms of who you're voting for on November 8.

Tell the Truth

Dear Evangelicals:

This quote has huge implications for your ministry. If you don't come clean, you can't possibly heal anyone else.

Of course, if you're just in it to tell other people what they're doing wrong, carry on. See where that gets you on Judgment Day.

Weariness, Vice, and Want

Dear Evangelicals:

Rushing around trying to fix other people's lives doesn't count. Besides, you're invariably lousy at it, and it has nothing to do with helping the oppressed.

In fact, those people you're trying so hard to "help"? You're the one who's oppressing them! As Robin Norwood once wrote, "Help is the sunny side of control", and you are controlling monsters -- always trying to change and manipulate people in God's name.

This is about the work we do on ourselves, at home (Yes, "men," you're slacking off on housework. Deal with it! There's NOTHING in the Bible that says housework is restricted to the female of the species.), and in the workplace, too. If you're not working -- really working -- it's no wonder you're always tired, always poor, and always getting into trouble with the authorities.