First Church of Americhrist

Dear Evangelicals:

Is there anything more American than this?

Although He would not be proven right until much later, Jesus nicknamed James and John "Sons of thunder".

What did they do in the wake of this powerful naming ceremony (For, it is always powerful, and carries more than a hint of ceremony, when someone names you)?

Depending on who's doing the reporting, they either pestered Jesus -- or, had their mommy do it -- to award them the most powerful positions in the coming kingdom.

Like I said, is there anything more American?

And then, Jesus showed them just how this boss thing is done.

First, He declined to wrest from His boss the authority to promote these manly specimens.

Then, He told J and J in front of everyone, that the only way they'd ever rise that high would be by serving their inferiors -- the same way He was about to do.

Burnnnn!

It got worse. Jesus said, You know those people you won't even look in the eye because they're so unclean? Well, you just asked for the same kind of "authority" they have. 

And He was more than a little bit cheesed off (Verse 41).

Jesus could have ended the discussion there, but He's Christ, not Americhrist, so he waited until the time was right. And then, He showed them exactly what He meant.

Knowing He was going to die, He ate dinner with the twelve. When they were finished, He stripped, put a towel around Himself, and ... wait for it ... proceeded to wash the disciples' feet.

These were not feet that had been encased in first-quality walking shoes and moisture-wicking socks. No, they were feet shod in cheap, homemade sandals. Feet that had transported them everywhere they went on land. Rough, callused, perhaps diseased ... feet. (John 13:1-17 New King James Version)

Notice how Jesus drove the point home in verses 15-17, "For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

Then, He went out; prayed and ugly-cried in some community garden; then, let Himself be arrested, assaulted, subjected to a show trial, and crucified.

Like a boss.

Not Even Jesus

Dear Evangelicals:

In John 6:44, Jesus says, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him."

In John 14:6, He says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

But, in Matthew 18:3, He says something I never noticed before, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That's it, above, in the yellow box.

What Jesus is saying is, it doesn't matter if He and God work a symbiotic miracle to bring you before them both. If your attitude is wrong, if your heart is hard and cynical, if your beliefs are calcified because they're endorsed by earthly powers or shored up by your church seniority, you won't make it into God's kingdom. 

If you insist on doing things without asking Him which way is right -- the way a child would ask a wise and loving parent -- you're lost. If you don't trust Him to break you down and build you back up again, to scrub out the poison of false teaching, "you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."

Yikes.

Now, before you go contemplating stripping yourself spiritually naked in front of yet another fallible human -- me included -- don't. Here's why:

In Hebrews 8:10-11, God says He, and not other humans will teach us, a point echoed in 1 John 2:27. In John 15:5, Jesus tells us, "Without Me, you can do nothing" -- a reminder that helps me get back to that childlike attitude when I get too bitter.

And, when we're in trouble, Paul writes in Hebrews 4:14-16, we are entitled to come boldly before the throne of grace, because Jesus, our high priest receives us without an intermediary. He was tempted in every way that we are, and He understands intimately what we're going through.

There are some cynical, horrible professing Christians out there who would presume to teach you. Some of them lied/are lying outright. Some of them were taught false doctrines, and never bothered to verify them through prayer and study because they trusted their teachers -- or feared them. Some of them are predators.

Jesus is not like any of them. He is gentle and patient, a friendly teacher who meets you on your level. He lets the little things go, but doesn't hesitate to correct you definitively when you get stubborn and insistent. He doesn't gossip about you. He doesn't force you to compete for love, acceptance, or anything else.

Don't believe me. Go to Him. If I have anything to teach you, it is this: First, last, and always, go to Him.

Real Men

Dear Evangelicals:

It started with the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, which sought to save us all from Romans 1:18-20, and the certain knowledge of how God made us. Women are women, and men are real men as the CBMW understands them, the CBMW insists, in spite of what can be seen, both under a microscope and in plain sight.

Enter The Federalist, which seeks to warn us about what they see as the phony masculinity of counterfeits like ... James Comey.

Whither America, friends? Whither America?

It's a darn good thing emo Comey doesn't head up the FBI anymore. You can't very well protect America from her enemies, both foreign and domestic, when you're constantly crying about how she's circling the drain. We need a real leader, who tackles bears, prances around in flight suits, and rides horses while half-naked, not this guy.

I mean, what was emo Jesus's deal, anyway? Weeping and yelling and vandalizing MAJOR religious shrines (Talk about Christian persecution!) And then, He has to go and ugly-cry about NESTING?!? With JERUSALEM?!? Sounds kinda ....

Well, you're the guardians of churchy masculinity and femininity. I'll let you decide.

Equality In the Bible

Dear Evangelicals:

How, oh, how can Paul say this to one church, while he tells another that women should just shut up in their church?

Hmmmm.

The key is in the wording.

That link will take you to the relevant passage, which Paul begins by saying, "I do not permit ...." (emphasis mine).

Note that Paul doesn't say "God does not permit". He's speaking of personal choice, and maybe personal animus, but not of a commandment from God. Hence "[Y]ou are all one in Christ Jesus".

Then again, there's this, in 1 Corinthians 14:34-37 (NKJV):

"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.
 
"Or did the word of God come originally from you? Or was it you only that it reached? If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord."

How is this possible? How is it possible that the man who wrote Galatians 3:28; the man who wrote about the distribution to all of spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12; the man who commends a whole host of women in Romans 16 -- not as submissive weaklings, but as fellow laborers in God's work -- how is it possible that this same man could write 1 Corinthians 14:34-37?

How is it possible that the man who wrote an entire epistle admonishing the Galatians not to adhere to Mosaic law, the man who wrote a letter to the Romans that's known as "the Christian Constitution", would drag an entire church, kicking and screaming, back to the law -- clear back to Genesis 3:16?

How is it possible that 1 Corinthians 14:34-37 is even in the Bible, when Peter famously wrote this in 2 Peter 2:21-22?

"[I]t would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: 'A dog returns to his own vomit,' and, 'a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.'"

Isn't Paul dragging the Corinthian church, like dogs, back to their own vomit by dispensing with grace and insisting on the law?

The answer may be in Hebrews 5:12-14 (NKJV), where Paul says this:

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."

I don't believe that Paul is contradicting himself in 1 Corinthians 14 at all. I believe the Corinthian church, like the Hebrews, had been spiritually lax, relying on force of habit instead of study and prayer. I believe that the Corinthian church had regressed so profoundly that Paul was forced to take them back to the law -- to break them down and build them back up again, as they say in the U.S. military.

If you read only a few pages of Green Eggs and Ham, you believe that Sam spent the rest of his life refusing to eat green eggs and ham for good reason. If you read only a few passages of the Bible, you believe that women are inherently inferior to men in every way, that they must be silenced, shamed, disciplined, and broken lest the church fall apart.

Some of you will continue to take that view because, unlike Jesus, you don't think it pays to give up your power for the greater good. Looking at the way the church is going, and knowing that God is sovereign, I have to ask, how's that working out for ya?

P.S. Here's a little pro tip: Put your parents or guardians through the Equality In the Bible filter. From whom do you get your notions about gender roles?

Ten to one it's dear, old mom.

Can Christians Really Bring Someone To Christ?

Dear Evangelicals:

Provocative question, isn't it?

Is it really the "Christian" thing to convert people? I mean, everybody -- even non-believers -- thinks that's the Christian thing to do.

Everybody except me. And, no, it's not the first time I've been asked why I "don't believe in the Bible" but "call yourself a Christian".

Sure, I believe in the Bible -- the whole Bible. That means context is everything -- a view that irritates the nuance-averse to no end.

Back to the subject of converting non-believers to Christianity. What are we to make of Jesus's words in Matthew 28: 19-20:

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."

... when He also says this, in John 6:44:

"No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him."

... and this, in in John 14:6:

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

How about this -- "Preach the Gospel, then step back, and let Me and God do our jobs"?

That's how I read it, anyway -- a symbiotic relationship between God and Christ, that works to open people's hearts in God's time; not ours.

 There's one last thing. When Jesus sent the disciples out to preach the Gospel for the first time, He said:

And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.

Shaking the dust off your feet signified being over and done with a place and its people.

So, if you wanna be converted, you'll have to hit someone else up.

Have a nice day.

A Customized Bible Reading Plan

EDITOR'S NOTE: Some five months after I first posted this piece, I was appalled to learn that some of you think those little verses in the brightly-colored boxes are my hubristic paraphrases.

No.

In every case, the initials that follow the chapter and verse comprise the standard abbreviation for the translation the verse(s) come from. I've edited this post to include those abbreviations for every translation I cite.

If that doesn't clear things up, you'll find more of those standard abbreviations in use at Bible reading sites like Bible Hub and Bible Gateway.

Dear Evangelicals:

There are plenty of Bible reading plans out there. This is the one, devised by me out of sheer necessity, that got me through. And, no, it has nothing to do with reading the Bible straight through from beginning to end. I find it makes more sense in the order I happened on. Here we go.

First step? Find a translation you can understand. My favorites are the New King James Version (NKJV), the New Living Translation (NLT), and Eugene Peterson's brilliant paraphrase, The Message (MSG). The Amplified Bible (AMP) can also be terrifically helpful.

Sojourners (see the list of "Recommended Sites" to the right) uses The New International Version (NIV) for the verses in their daily, e-mail devotional, so the NIV has become another favorite of mine.

If you don't understand something, try reading it in another translation. Always be sure to read it in context.

Bible Gateway, which also makes a free app, is a website that allows you to easily toggle between a huge number of translations. Bible Hub boasts fewer translations, but will give you parallel versions at a glance.

Now, to the reading plan itself:

If you are suffering from grief, loss, trauma, or upheaval of any kind, start with the Psalms.

If you are having trouble reinforcing boundaries, whether others are transgressing your personal boundaries, or you believe the rules don't apply to you, read Proverbs.

If you are suffering from sexual repression, read the Song of Solomon, sometimes referred to as the Song of Songs.

If you're undergoing all of those things, read those books in order. Otherwise, start with the Gospel of John.

Next, read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Go through John again, and straight through to the end of the New Testament.

Next, turn to the Old Testament, and read the major prophets in order: Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations (that's Jeremiah, too), and Ezekiel. It will be hard. The books, with the exception of Lamentations, are long, and display Israel and Judah at their most intractable and vile. Don't skip these; you need them for courage, and to understand things about sin and the law that I guarantee you have never heard in church -- or from that creepy, shifty guy who thinks he's your personal prophet.

Now, go to the beginning. Start with Genesis, and read clear to the end of Revelation. If you need cheering up in the middle of Kings or Chronicles, go back to Romans 8, Philippians, or the Psalms.

In the first five books of the Bible, keep your eyes open for principles that you've previously encountered in the New Testament. It's funny how Old Testament God is not nearly as hateful as some think He is. There's a huge lesson in seeing the character of God on display in the Old Testament, and realizing that Israel was no more willing to be like Him in the New Testament than they were in the Old.

Use whatever tools are available to mark the verses that mean something to you. If you have a hard copy of the Bible, you might use colored pencils or sticky note flags to mark important passages. On the websites, and in the apps, there are highlighting tools, and a search engine.

Realize that different verses will be important to you at different times in your life. Realize, too, that if you keep going back to the Bible for spiritual food, you will notice verses you hadn't previously. This is Jesus at work in you; let Him teach you.

One caution about the search engines on Bible websites: I found that I had read things in so many different translations that I couldn't find them by running a search on the websites. Inevitably, I'd search for a phrase in the New King James Version, only to discover after I'd Googled it that the phrase I remembered was from the English Standard Version (ESV). If you want to search the Bible using a particular phrase, Google is the best Bible search engine I know of.

Yes, it will probably take you more than a year. You will devour some books, and struggle to get through others. Which is which will depend on what you're going through. God bless.

Filthy

Dear Evangelicals:

Don't make this about Jesus or God's promises to Israel. This is about your garbage behavior and your deeply-ingrained self-regard, end of report.

What would Jesus do when faced with the great unwashed?

This.

If you're not imitating him, yet still calling yourself a Christian, you're the one who's filthy.

The Evangelical Justification For American Fascism

Dear Evangelicals:

Yeah, you've seen this meme. It's usually used to encourage less-than-perfect people like you and me to do God's work. But recently, Franklin Graham, whose 2015 salary was $880,000.00  (Check the 'poor and needy' tag to see how God feels about that, uh, weakness) cited that meme in defense of Donald Trump.

In case you missed it, Graham has endorsed Trump for president. Graham waved away concerns about Trump's hateful agenda with a few examples -- David and Moses, to be specific -- from this meme.

There's just one problem: Neither David nor Moses were committing the sins of adultery and anger (Graham cited Moses' anger issues) when they were granted authority over Israel.

Of David, God famously said he was "a man after My own heart." The Bible also says that God spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to a friend.

Check the 'poor and needy' tag again. Do you really think that Donald Trump is a friend of God, or a man after God's own heart?

The, Um, Secret of Biblical Literacy

Dear Evangelicals:

The most incredible, astonishing, criminally-stupid thing about these kinds of phony prophecies? I know people who've been evicted, assaulted, subject to emotional abuse, or downsized, and they STILL talk trash about what "you" (never they themselves) attract. Some of them even subscribe to "Law of Attraction" Facebook groups.

Some folks even think this "Law of Attraction" filth, and books like The Secret are based on biblical principles. But then, there's a big difference between being educated and being intelligent. Degreed professionals are some of the dullest, most block-headed morons I've ever met.

So, what does the Bible say on this subject?

Proverbs 23:7 tells us that, "[As a person] thinks in his heart, so is he. Not "so has he", but "so is he". This verse is about character, not possessions, as the previous verse makes clear. In context, then, "Do not eat the bread of a miser, Nor desire his delicacies; For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."

But wait; there's more: In Matthew 5:45, Jesus says of our Heavenly Father, "He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Not, you will note, those who visualize the sun or the rain, according to their preference, being "attracted" to them. Ugh!

Knowing you, evangelicals, you'll stubbornly persist in this line of thinking, because it makes you look and sound powerful. If it's earthly power you're after, then, carry on.

A Time To Mourn -- Really

Dear Evangelicals:

So, it's unbiblical, unmerciful, and un-Christian to be upbeat and happy and "positive" all the time.

Oh. You didn't know that? Well, now ya do.

Stop tryna minimize and deny people's pain. Stop saying God "meant this for good". No, God did NOT mean bad for good; He simply let rotten people make their own decisions about how to behave. And rotten people behave badly -- most of the time.

That's all there is to it. Stop distorting Scripture to make yourself look as though you're bathed in light. Light can tell the difference, and believe me, Light is not real fond of you right now.

On second thought, don't believe me. Ask Jesus Himself.

I Was A Stranger and You Took Me In

Dear Evangelicals:

As you regular Bible readers know, that's not exactly how Jesus puts it in Matthew 25. But it is exactly how they operate in the San Francisco Bay Area.

"I was a stranger and you" ... took me in, conned me, played me for a fool worked the ole bait and switch on me.

Is this what life should look like in a city that built its modern reputation on peace and love? Is this what life should look like in a city where hippie icon, Wavy Gravy, used to feed the homeless?

Ah, Northern California, where they talk blue and walk red.

And you, evangelicals? Is this what life in your city looks like? In your church?

What does the Bible tell you about that?

Deborah Fikes: A Challenge To My Fellow Evangelicals

Dear Evangelicals:

A common complaint from you is that the "liberal media" dehumanizes evangelical Christians, and doesn't address evangelical concerns.

Not today, my friends.

Today, the New York Times offers this editorial from Deborah Fikes, and boy, is it an eye-opener.

I've criticized evangelicals in other countries for their worship of Americhrist, but Fikes asserts that evangelicals in most other countries around the world, with some exceptions, have a set of values drastically-different from those of their American counterparts.

Fikes' challenge -- and mine -- to evangelicals is to test the beliefs of the vast majority of evangelical Christians against the teachings of the Bible. Who's right?

The next question; the only question, really, is, now that you've researched it and discovered whose beliefs adhere most closely to Biblical teaching, what are you going to do about it?

See, there are people in my biological family who call themselves Christians. What's more, they know exactly what's in the Bible, and exactly what Jesus commands us to do about it. Yet, knowing, they cling fiercely to the "evangelical" values drummed into them by talk-radio demagogues and the 24-hour news cycle.

They say they "hope" they're going to heaven, and the words that tumble from their mouths are laced with fear and trembling. Sure, the idea of hell is scary; but, oh, that Rush Limbaugh, he's something else.

Spirit Of Fear

Dear Evangelicals:

You know this verse, but folks from the mainline denominations likely don't.

Why is it, then, that you don't live like you know it? You listen to preachers, and other conservative evangelical talking heads, preaching fear of the culture, fear of the other, fear of not being armed to the teeth, fear that women dare to consider themselves equal to men, fear of sex and sexuality, fear of other religions, fear, fear, fear.

Every last bit of that is false teaching from false prophets. You have God's Word for it, right here.

When You Have To Punch A Child For the Lord

Dear Evangelicals:

You love, love, love stuff like this, don't you?

Well, "love" isn't exactly the word. Your, ah, impulses toward this sort of thing are more like the kind of feverish excitement that, well, secures people a place on the sex offender registry.

If we're lucky.

Oh, but the Bible, the Bible!

We'll discuss what the Bible says about what you are pleased to call "corporal punishment" in a minute. First, let's discuss the legal definition -- you know, the one that's enforced in this great country which we should all love or leave if we don't want to obey its laws?

This is, in fact, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, full stop. The friend who shared this on Twitter compared this youth minister (How is this ministry? Would you like your pastor to haul off and hit you?) to ISIS and the Taliban.

He's not wrong. Like you said, the Bible. Here we go with your favorite verse on this subject, Proverbs 13:24 (NKJV):

He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

And here's a verse from another favorite of yours, Psalm 23, verse 4:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Hmmm. Does the maniac in this video sound as though he was trying to comfort poor Ben? Are we talking about different kinds of rods in each verse? If so, where's your proof? Scholars say they Hebrew word is identical in both cases.

There's another verse that you always fail to consider, Ephesians 6:4, which reads:

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

And another, Colossians 3:21, which says this:

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Watch the video again. Does this maniac look and sound as though he's trying to avoid discouraging young Ben? Do you think this maniac managed to avoid provoking Ben to wrath? Or worse?

Me neither.

This video has been around a good while, and has received worldwide media attention. That means nothing without action.

I hope and pray that someone has identified this church and this ... humanoid. I hope that someone with investigative skills -- a journalist, a police officer, a social worker -- has tracked down this criminal and brought him to justice. I hope that Ben is okay, but I know from long experience that, if Ben is still alive, things will get worse instead of better.

I hope they found him in time. I hope, wherever he is Ben is, at long last, part of a real family and beloved by someone besides his Creator.

Bad Language: The Real Story

Dear Evangelicals:

Have you ever wondered why the obsession with cussing looms so large in Christian culture? It's not prohibited in the ten commandments. It's certainly not part of the Great Commandment.

Many, many Scriptures call us to watch what comes out of our mouths. There are Scriptures that caution against "crooked" and "perverted" speech, against lying, gossip, and double-talk. There's plenty of criticism of "cursing", but in the Bible, anytime someone curses someone, he's praying for their downfall, even unto the third and fourth generations, as it were.

Any default interpretation of these things as "cussing" is more a reflection of American and Christian culture than it is of God's Word.

To be sure, Ephesians 4:29 warns against "corrupting talk", while Ephesians 5:4 prohibits "filthiness ... foolish talk, or crude joking."

What, then, are we to make of  Philippians 3:8, where Paul says:

"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ."

From the pulpit, Francis Chan has said that, when Paul wrote, "dung," he was not exactly using the Greek word for "poop". Paul's meaning was closer to another excremental noun whose use is still somewhat restricted on basic cable.

And what of this, from Jesus Himself in Luke 13:32, in response to threats on His life by Herod Antipas?

"And He said to them, 'Go, tell that fox, ‘Behold, I cast out demons and perform cures today and tomorrow, and the third day I shall be perfected.'"

In Peculiar Treasures, Frederick Buechner interprets Jesus this way.

In other words, Jesus is saying, it's pretty amusing that Herod A. makes murderous threats in public when in private, all he wants to do is be somebody's b----.

And before you go getting all self-righteous about that, understand that Jesus is calling out Herod's hypocrisy, not his sex life. But I digress.

Was Paul in sin when he used the word "dung"? Was Jesus crossing a line when He said something everybody already knew about Antipas' private life?

Maybe Paul was being a hypocrite -- maybe. But Jesus? If you believe He is God, you have to believe that He did not sin.

So, what do you think?

Here's how I interpret it, based on the balance of Scripture:

It would seem that "corrupting talk" and "filthiness" don't apply to truth-telling, but to gratuitous nonsense. You know how some people seem to cuss more, tell dirtier jokes to impress people and alleviate their nerves? (See Adele's Glastonbury set from yesterday, poor darling. I'm not judging her; she seems to have been quite overwhelmed by the occasion, except when she was singing.)

It appears that Paul was cautioning against using cheap talk, dirty jokes, coarse language as a social lubricant. If we have the Holy Spirit, we shouldn't have to white-knuckle it through tense social situations by dropping the f-bomb and telling the one about ... whatever. When Jesus didn't know what to say, He stalled for time by writing on the ground, or making clay from the mud to put on a blind man's eyes. We, too, can wait a couple of beats rather than rushing to fill the silence.

On the other hand, when something was disgusting, hypocritical, abusive, oppressive, or otherwise hateful, neither Jesus nor Paul beat around the bush. They called things exactly what they were.

We should do the same -- even if nobody else has the guts.

Hebrews 4:14-16 and Living In Fear

Dear Evangelicals:

This is how the Good News manifests for us on a daily basis. As we are reminded in the movie, Facing the Giants, the Bible instructs us 365 separate times, "Fear not." If you are under the influence of preachers or other Christians who instill in you a spirit of fear, get out now -- fear is not your birthright in Christ Jesus.

The Virtual Dinner Table

Dear Evangelicals:

On the battlefield where id meets superego (a.k.a. Twitter), I tweet primarily on music; with the addition of nature photos on Saturdays; and mini-sermons in the form of quotes, news items, and think pieces on Sundays. I have always been candid about who I am, what I believe, and the people I stand up for. What you see is what you get.

 There's a woman who has followed me for a good while. On occasion, she retweets one of my musical tweets without comment, and I favorite those retweets when they happen.

I have never commented on a retweet of hers until last week, when she retweeted with a comment and also replied to one of my music tweets. I thought she had some worthwhile insights, and I said as much when I replied.

Her response? Nothing -- not even a favorite.

I was puzzled until I found out why: To this woman, a social conservative and evangelical Christian, it's perfectly acceptable to retweet me, but actually talking to me would expose her to the manifold sins she believes I'm committing, what with my ideas about social justice and all.

Is that how a "The Bible says it, I believe it, and that settles it" Christian would parse this?

Not surprisingly, Paul had something to say about that. You'll find it it 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (NKJV):

"I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.  But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.

 ^"For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?

 "But those who are outside God judges. Therefore 'put away from yourselves the evil person.'"

By this woman's lights, I am sexually immoral because I support those whom she believes are sexually immoral. Yet, somehow, it's okay to take what I'm offering as long as she doesn't compliment me on the meal?

Nope, nope, nope. Any biblically-literate Christian who believes what this woman believes about me would block me without a second thought. This one wants to have her cake and eat it, too.

As it stands, I'm going to have to block her. As my tagline says, "Socially liberal, theologically conservative."