A Country Of Death

Dear Evangelicals:

Eugene Peterson once wrote that "The church is a colony of heaven in a country of death." He wasn't talking about a building. He was talking about us, and what we're supposed to be, to and for each other.

Look around: If no one else is flourishing, then the necrophiliac is you.

People Of the Lie

Dear Evangelicals:

You won't recognize yourselves in the pages of M. Scott Peck's People Of the Lie, but your victims will.

It is for them I am posting this quote.

I'll post more this Wednesday.

Random Acts of Nihilism

Dear Evangelicals:

In 1993, Conari Press published a little book called Random Acts of Kindness. The book ignited a movement and, not incidentally in America, an international industry. There are sequels by the score, websites, blogs, and social media accounts. There's even a National Random Acts of Kindness Day next month.

Never mind that people used to do these things for each other without a self-congratulatory social "movement" to prod them along; a world that was already vicious and self-serving has only gotten meaner since the birth of the RAK movement. And you helped. In direct contradiction of Jesus's teachings, you helped.

Not only that, but you're proud of it, because, hey, we're all gonna be raptured before the Great Tribulation, so you might as well paste yourself into your easy chair for family time, because all those grievous sinners who haven't been blessed with families are out there helping. You have better things to do.

Yeah, husband of one wife? Price above rubies woman? That's not what the Bible says.

No, the Bible orders you to take up your cross daily. To die daily. To do good, correct oppression, seek justice for orphans and widows.

Oh, but you, you, you. You always have an excuse. If you don't get your me-time, someone (Read: widows, orphans, the poor, and the oppressed) is gonna pay.

On alternate days, you grant yourselves a luxurious, emotional spa day, marinating in guilt, and telling yourself that your oppressed acquaintances bear so much ill will toward you, for refusing to help up to now, that they'd never accept help -- even if you did offer it.

Which you won't because, as you've already discovered with these weaklings, suffering is a marathon, not a sprint; and a glorious lambkin of God like yourself ain't got time for no grubby, anonymous marathon. You'd rather pay for the half-caf soy latte that the guy behind you -- who looks just like you, and not the icky poor -- is sure to order.

Voila! A random act of kindness! Aren't you the godly one?

No.

See, God says you extend kindness to those who can't afford to pay you back. No, He says you invite them, so you're looking them in the face, in all their poverty and hardship and suffering and shabbiness. In all their un-awesomeness.

But, muh glory!

As Jesus said of those who spend their lives slobbering after the approval of others, "They have their reward."

But wait; there's more! Of course there is, because God always has more for people like you.

Are you ready? Here we go.

At the end of time, when everyone is being judged by Jesus, He will look at the awesome life you had because you're so in love with Him, and He will say something to you that everyone who's ever been born will hear.

How's that for glory?

Emotional Understanding

Dear Evangelicals:

It's heartening to see some of you at long last digging out from church culture to get closer to Jesus, who demonstrated profound emotional understanding here on earth.

Too often, Christian culture teaches us to treat our emotions like the monster under the bed. This approach is designed to instill emotional maturity. Instead, it has the opposite effect; Christians often display the hallmarks of narcissism when, in truth, they've simply been terrorized into foregoing their emotional development.

For those who seek to enter emotional adulthood, to be like Jesus on an emotional level, the following books are trustworthy guides.

The Enneagram: The first book I ever read about the Enneagram, and still my most treasured -- maybe because, like me, Palmer is a Type One. Initially, I found the questions at the conclusion of the chapter on my type to be almost unbearably-challenging. Now, I find Palmer's reasoned, ecumenical approach grounding as well as honest. (left)

The Enneagram in Love and Work: Helen Palmer applies her adjudicatory skills to the Enneagram in business settings and love relationships. The best part? Substantial discussions of how each type relates to the another in both settings. I consult this one more often than her first book these days. (above left)

Personality Types: Like Palmer, Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson were part of the first wave of teachers of the contemporary Enneagram. This book was a classic when it was first published, but has benefited immeasurably from a major revision in 1996. The Levels of Development are key to identifying red flags for each type. The division into 18 types with wings is interesting, although I find myself using both wings, depending on the situation.

For conservative Christians, the most crucial reading will be the portion that debunks the theory of the Sufi origin of the Enneagram. FWIW, even before I became a Christian, I thought the Enneagram symbol of a nine-pointed star looked, if anything, like a crown of thorns. (above left)

Sincerely

Dear Evangelicals:

It looks like some of you are waking from the fever dream of arrogant ignorance that Christian culture markets to us night and day. This is a relief.

For those of you who have never been taught what a sincere apology looks like, the above meme is an excellent start. But sometimes, even this is not quite enough. Members of your inner circle need a little more.

With them, share as much as is safe about what was going on in your life when you misbehaved. Tell them you are offering an explanation, not an excuse, for your behavior. Internalize the difference between the two, and the urgent need for yourself to know the difference, as though your life depended on it -- because it does. Excuses are what narcissists make. Don't be that person -- even though narcissism runs rampant in the evangelical church.

Anyway, God bless you and keep you on your journey back toward the sunlight. We're waiting to welcome you with open arms.

Pity the Poor Billionaire

Dear Evangelicals:

The first picture on the left was painted by American artist and icon, Norman Rockwell. It depicts young Ruby Bridges being escorted by federal marshals to her first day at an all-white school in Louisiana.

The second picture was tweeted by Bree Newsome, who became a national hero when she climbed the flagpole in front of the statehouse in South Carolina, and removed the Confederate flag. It is an editorial cartoon by Glenn McCoy of the Belleville News Democrat. It depicts Betsy DeVos, a white, adult billionaire, and the recently-confirmed Secretary of Education, imagining her to be the victim of persecution as terrifying as that experienced by little Ruby Bridges.

The first word that came to my mind was one you evangelicals generally apply to the American and allegedly-unbelieving Left -- "whiny".

Blacks who dared to claim rights equal to those of whites were imprisoned, beaten, tortured, and murdered. Their homes and churches were burned and bombed. To you, a mere difference of opinion and the healthy, peaceful exercise of dissenters' Constitutional rights is just as oppressive and terrifying.

Wow.

That sickening realization reminded me of the quote at left. The truth is, you, and most other political and social conservatives, don't really believe that the oppressed people of this country are all that oppressed. You call them "whiny" in the wildly-dysfunctional belief that they're exaggerating, or worse, faking altogether.

No.

It's way past time that you yanked the beam out of your own eye instead of bellowing about the speck in someone else's.

When Narcissists Ride Too High

Dear Evangelicals:

You're not going to like this, because it's about an individual you are apparently willing to defend to the death.

His name is Donald Trump.

Politics aside, the crux of Trump's problems is the pathology of narcissism. If you're still reading, it's because you know at least one narcissist who is ready, willing, and able to ruin your marriage, your family, your company, or your church.

What you can't understand, what keeps you up at night, is this: Why are things getting crazier and crazier when you and everybody else caters to this monster's every whim?

Michael Kruse doesn't exactly answer that question in The Trouble With Peak Trump, his piece for Politico. Instead, his harrowing story serves to validate what so many of us have known without knowing -- about Trump and every other narcissist in our lives: If we don't yank them off their high horse and back down to earth at the first sign of narcissistic behavior, they will destroy our sanity. Giving them what they plead for only drives them to exploit us further. As the old saying goes, "Give 'em an inch, and they'll take a mile."

There's only one guaranteed method for stopping Trump and every other narcissist in your life. It is this.

Godspeed.

Filthy

Dear Evangelicals:

Don't make this about Jesus or God's promises to Israel. This is about your garbage behavior and your deeply-ingrained self-regard, end of report.

What would Jesus do when faced with the great unwashed?

This.

If you're not imitating him, yet still calling yourself a Christian, you're the one who's filthy.

Ubuntu

Dear Evangelicals:

Christ's kingdom is not America, and America is not Christ's kingdom.

That means whatever "it" is, you can't do it alone. With the great commandment, Jesus calls us to cast off independence, self-reliance, and going our own way. He calls to to join with him and with others to live, not co-dependently, but inter-dependently, the way Bishop Tutu describes in his definition of the Shona word, ubuntu.

I'm American, too, and I don't like it. Personally, I'd give my eyeteeth not to have to ask anyone for a favor. Nevertheless, there it is.

So, here's the deal: If someone has to ask you for a favor, and you can do it, you'd better. If Jesus is "watching" anything, He's watching that.

If you've had to ask for favors, and been rejected by lazy, complacent, greedy, narcissistic, and self-satisfied people, don't give up. Those people will be punished, and you will be uplifted, one way or another. If you believe the Bible, believe that, because that's what the Bible says.

As for my non-believing readers, I see you and I love you, and I ask you to call to mind that old, familiar saying about karma. You know the one.

A Reason To Live

Dear Evangelicals:

You tend to live your lives the opposite way. Your quote might be, "If I can cram rules that I don't even follow  down one person's throat, I shall not live in vain."

It's not cute. It's not funny. It's not right, and it's not good. As long as you imagine it is, people who desperately need Jesus will flee from you in droves.

They're the smart ones, not you.

Faultless

Dear Evangelicals:

Salvation did not make you perfect; it made you forgiven.

I know you've heard that in a different configuration, but you've been using it as a snippy comeback for so long that you don't remember what it means.

So, here it is: You. Are. Not. Perfect. You are not without sin or weakness or failure. Stop unloading your projections onto other people, and look in the mirror. It will kill you or cure you.

I have compared evangelical Christians to rampaging narcissists more than once on this blog (How many other Christian blogs have tags for 'narcissism' and 'personal boundaries'?). The comparison holds for all you other Christians who are lapsed in some sense, but still convinced that religion -- and not Jesus' death on the cross -- made you perfect.

You're a lethal bunch, because you'd rather kill everyone else than die to your own ego in order to be reborn as decent human beings. You'd rather let someone else suffer and die than admit that you are not always right.

And now, a word to everybody else: You know these people, and they have made your life a living hell ever since you can remember. It's okay to walk away without making them see reason or having the last word -- two tasks you've been trying to accomplish with the narcissists in your life ever since you've known them.

You will never succeed. Their desire to stay evil is strong than yours to be good and right.

Don't believe me? That's wise. If you pray -- however you pray -- pray for the answer to how to handle these calcified monsters. Then, obey. You will be the stronger for it. You'll see.

How Concerned Are You?

Dear Evangelicals:

I wonder what this means in terms of who you're voting for on November 8.

So Special

Dear Evangelicals:

In case you missed it, malignant selfishness, a.k.a. narcissism, is not a mark of good character -- not in yourself, and not in anybody else.

If you are this person, you probably won't catch it in yourself; it's going to take a miracle from God to get you to see yourself as you truly are.

If you are being victimized by this person -- and a lot of new Christians are -- watch your step. Just because someone patronizes you doesn't mean they're your new daddy. Or mommy.

Jesus gave up every last ounce of wealth, prestige, and authority to come down here to earth and die for you. The Bible counsels humility, and the Christian life absolutely demands it. Anybody who dictates to you from way up there on their high horse is a fraud.

Blind and Brainless

Dear Evangelicals:

Again and again, the Bible tells us that if we pour ourselves out for the weak, the oppressed, the orphan, the widow, that we will prosper. God tells us repeatedly that, if we champion the oppressed -- those who cannot repay us -- that we will get rich.

How is that possible?

It certainly isn't possible with people -- with the Donald Trumps and the Koch Brothers and the Wall Street bankers of the world.

The only way it's possible is through God, who takes care of us when we take care of the weak. Who makes miracles. Who creates something from nothing.

The reason your ship hasn't come in is because you -- blind and brainless, God calls you in this passage -- keep trying to bring it in without His help.

Knock yourself out.

Repelling the Narcissist

Dear Evangelicals:

Now, we get down to the real nitty gritty.

A narcissist may be able to fluff their way through the question posed in the last post, but there's no way they can survive an onslaught like this.

We may not be able to cure narcissists, but we can kick them out of our lives with the help of these strategies from the ever-helpful Sam Vaknin.

By the way, when he says "partner," he doesn't just mean a romantic partner. This applies to friends, family, colleagues, and fellow Christians, too, sadly enough.

Folks, this is your battle plan for spiritual warfare. God bless.

Just One Question

Dear Evangelicals:

Now, we start to nail it down.

Mental health professionals will tell you that there is no cure for narcissism; it is truly the ultimate evil.

There are, however, ways to repel the narcissist. In fact, this is yet another way to test the spirits, as we're commanded to do in 1 John 4:1.

Therapist, Ingo Molnar, suggests one here. Stay tuned for more.

When Love Is A Foreign Language

Dear Evangelicals:

Sam Vaknin nails it when he says that, to narcissists, acceptance, care, and love are "a foreign language" that "is meaningless or even repellent."

Have you ever tried to minister to someone, digging down deep to overwhelm them with sacrificial love, only to feel completely drained, and eventually bitter and resentful, when they get worse instead of better?

If so, you've been the victim of a narcissist.

So often, we're told that love begets love, and it's true, most of the time. The narcissist, however, turns the laws of the universe upside down and inside out. They are the ultimate idolaters; they are hard-hearted self-worshipers, and there is nothing you can do to convert them to Christianity.

Do you see now, how vital it is to ask God about everything you are doing?

Even Paul acknowledged that there were God-defined limits to his ministry, that he wasn't supposed to try and save everyone. Who are we to be any less humble and willing to be led?

Malignant Selfishness

Dear Evangelicals:

"Malignant selfishness" being another term from narcissism.

And how easy is it for us to imagine ourselves this way? After all, we're called by God, and some of us believe that, for us to be called, others had to be left behind.

So, narcissism is the very foundation of Christianity for some.

Unsurprisingly, the belief that God simply means for others to rot in hell while we feast in heaven can be completely disproved, simply by reading Ezekiel 18:30-32.

There are no narcissists in heaven, and there never will be. Count on it.

Invalidation

Dear Evangelicals:

Christian abuse survivors are constantly invalidated by narcissists of all philosophical persuasions, but almost no invalidation causes more lasting damage than that experienced at the hands of those who are commanded to love us like siblings.

This is control and manipulation of the highest order. The narcissist can't stand the thought that you might have had some traumatic experience that would cause compassionate others to swarm around you, and make you -- rather than the narcissist -- the center of attention.

Faking It

Dear Evangelicals:

Funny how the narcissist attributes his own characteristics (i.e. faking emotions to achieve a goal) to others.

Have you ever been going through some trial or other, only to have a fellow Christian treat you like you're lying? Does that same Christian then become increasingly exasperated and agitated when you can't let the subject drop?

Yeah, I thought so. You're dealing with a narcissist.