Random Acts of Nihilism

Dear Evangelicals:

In 1993, Conari Press published a little book called Random Acts of Kindness. The book ignited a movement and, not incidentally in America, an international industry. There are sequels by the score, websites, blogs, and social media accounts. There's even a National Random Acts of Kindness Day next month.

Never mind that people used to do these things for each other without a self-congratulatory social "movement" to prod them along; a world that was already vicious and self-serving has only gotten meaner since the birth of the RAK movement. And you helped. In direct contradiction of Jesus's teachings, you helped.

Not only that, but you're proud of it, because, hey, we're all gonna be raptured before the Great Tribulation, so you might as well paste yourself into your easy chair for family time, because all those grievous sinners who haven't been blessed with families are out there helping. You have better things to do.

Yeah, husband of one wife? Price above rubies woman? That's not what the Bible says.

No, the Bible orders you to take up your cross daily. To die daily. To do good, correct oppression, seek justice for orphans and widows.

Oh, but you, you, you. You always have an excuse. If you don't get your me-time, someone (Read: widows, orphans, the poor, and the oppressed) is gonna pay.

On alternate days, you grant yourselves a luxurious, emotional spa day, marinating in guilt, and telling yourself that your oppressed acquaintances bear so much ill will toward you, for refusing to help up to now, that they'd never accept help -- even if you did offer it.

Which you won't because, as you've already discovered with these weaklings, suffering is a marathon, not a sprint; and a glorious lambkin of God like yourself ain't got time for no grubby, anonymous marathon. You'd rather pay for the half-caf soy latte that the guy behind you -- who looks just like you, and not the icky poor -- is sure to order.

Voila! A random act of kindness! Aren't you the godly one?

No.

See, God says you extend kindness to those who can't afford to pay you back. No, He says you invite them, so you're looking them in the face, in all their poverty and hardship and suffering and shabbiness. In all their un-awesomeness.

But, muh glory!

As Jesus said of those who spend their lives slobbering after the approval of others, "They have their reward."

But wait; there's more! Of course there is, because God always has more for people like you.

Are you ready? Here we go.

At the end of time, when everyone is being judged by Jesus, He will look at the awesome life you had because you're so in love with Him, and He will say something to you that everyone who's ever been born will hear.

How's that for glory?

Special Rights

Dear Evangelicals:

Have you heard the latest from the A.F.A.'s syndicated hate spewer, Bryan Fischer?

It seems that Fischer and, by extension, the American Family Association, want to put an end to single-use restrooms, because such facilities give transgender people what Fischer terms "special rights".

Let's not beat around the bush: We know you put country over God, so let's see what  U.S. Constitution has to say about extending "special rights" to certain groups.

There's a bogus legal argument equating single-stall restrooms with bills of attainder, easily torpedoed by the simple fact that anyone can use a single-stall restroom. In fact, it's often necessary to use the single-stall facility when the restroom is crowded. But then, Fischer is male, and wouldn't know about such things.

So much for prescribed gender roles strengthening the fabric of society. If you Quiverfull crazies stopped insisting that a mother should be mastering the art of folding dinner napkins instead of the art of drafting legislation, we wouldn't have this problem.

But I digress.

The only other argument is the eternal chicken-or-egg debate over the Fourteenth Amendment's Equal Protection Clause. To which I say, scream all you want; the final decision will depend on which judge you get. Deal with it.

Which brings us to that Book you don't want to obey unless you agree it.

The Bible commands Christians to defend the oppressed, the foreign and the foreigner, the persecuted, and the weak -- even if they are, as Fischer says, "a tiny little slice of the population".

Especially if they're a tiny little slice of the population.

Don't believe me? Head on over to Bible Gateway, and do a search for "weak", "oppressed", "stranger", or "alien".

There will be those of you who marshal every legalistic argument in the book -- your book, I mean -- to worm out of obeying the Almighty God. Many of you will retort that it's absurd to call transgender people aliens and strangers because you are cursed with them in your own lives.

The book of James (one of my favorites) would tell you that, if you're so insistent on following the law, you'd better follow every last bit of it, or you are guilty, and will be so judged.

One thing about that judgment: There's no rotating pool of judges who might hear your case. There's only One.

How do you like the sound of special rights now?

Pity the Poor Billionaire

Dear Evangelicals:

The first picture on the left was painted by American artist and icon, Norman Rockwell. It depicts young Ruby Bridges being escorted by federal marshals to her first day at an all-white school in Louisiana.

The second picture was tweeted by Bree Newsome, who became a national hero when she climbed the flagpole in front of the statehouse in South Carolina, and removed the Confederate flag. It is an editorial cartoon by Glenn McCoy of the Belleville News Democrat. It depicts Betsy DeVos, a white, adult billionaire, and the recently-confirmed Secretary of Education, imagining her to be the victim of persecution as terrifying as that experienced by little Ruby Bridges.

The first word that came to my mind was one you evangelicals generally apply to the American and allegedly-unbelieving Left -- "whiny".

Blacks who dared to claim rights equal to those of whites were imprisoned, beaten, tortured, and murdered. Their homes and churches were burned and bombed. To you, a mere difference of opinion and the healthy, peaceful exercise of dissenters' Constitutional rights is just as oppressive and terrifying.

Wow.

That sickening realization reminded me of the quote at left. The truth is, you, and most other political and social conservatives, don't really believe that the oppressed people of this country are all that oppressed. You call them "whiny" in the wildly-dysfunctional belief that they're exaggerating, or worse, faking altogether.

No.

It's way past time that you yanked the beam out of your own eye instead of bellowing about the speck in someone else's.

Oppression Is Really Depressing

• Dear Evangelicals:

Ecclesiastes is pretty depressing. No, scratch that; Ecclesiastes is hugely depressing.

What's even more depressing is the way you choose, daily, to join up with the oppressors instead of siding with the oppressed.

There are other books in the Bible where God makes plain the consequences to those who cheer on the oppressors and pile on the oppressed; Jeremiah and Ezekiel come immediately to mind. Those books are depressing, too.

In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says:

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

If, by some weird mischance, you think siding with the oppressors counts as the narrow way (because you're perverse and stubborn like that), go on with your bad selves. It's more than likely you won't see where it gets you until you're on your deathbed.

You know the most depressing thing of all? Some of you are counting on it.

Open Your Mouth

Dear Evangelicals:

Funny thing about you: Invariably, the only reason you open your mouths is to put something in them. If you're speaking up at all, it's for yourselves and the imagined oppression you're going through. Not being able to pray in school is not does not count as oppression.

If you're slightly more evolved, you're speaking up for the oppressed, but only as long as they're living on the other side of the world. Only as long as all you have to do is send money. God forbid you should have to take a risk. God forbid you should have to open your mouth for someone whose religion, ethnicity, gender identity, financial situation, or disability will embarrass you in front of your powerful friends and colleagues.

Only, God doesn't forbid it. He commands it, with no exceptions.

If you don't look out, He'll put you in a position where your very life and health depend on someone speaking up for you. But, don't believe me; ask Christians who've been through it. Seriously, go ahead; I'm right here. All you have to do is comment on this post.

Filthy

Dear Evangelicals:

Don't make this about Jesus or God's promises to Israel. This is about your garbage behavior and your deeply-ingrained self-regard, end of report.

What would Jesus do when faced with the great unwashed?

This.

If you're not imitating him, yet still calling yourself a Christian, you're the one who's filthy.

Ubuntu

Dear Evangelicals:

Christ's kingdom is not America, and America is not Christ's kingdom.

That means whatever "it" is, you can't do it alone. With the great commandment, Jesus calls us to cast off independence, self-reliance, and going our own way. He calls to to join with him and with others to live, not co-dependently, but inter-dependently, the way Bishop Tutu describes in his definition of the Shona word, ubuntu.

I'm American, too, and I don't like it. Personally, I'd give my eyeteeth not to have to ask anyone for a favor. Nevertheless, there it is.

So, here's the deal: If someone has to ask you for a favor, and you can do it, you'd better. If Jesus is "watching" anything, He's watching that.

If you've had to ask for favors, and been rejected by lazy, complacent, greedy, narcissistic, and self-satisfied people, don't give up. Those people will be punished, and you will be uplifted, one way or another. If you believe the Bible, believe that, because that's what the Bible says.

As for my non-believing readers, I see you and I love you, and I ask you to call to mind that old, familiar saying about karma. You know the one.

The Evangelical Justification For American Fascism

Dear Evangelicals:

Yeah, you've seen this meme. It's usually used to encourage less-than-perfect people like you and me to do God's work. But recently, Franklin Graham, whose 2015 salary was $880,000.00  (Check the 'poor and needy' tag to see how God feels about that, uh, weakness) cited that meme in defense of Donald Trump.

In case you missed it, Graham has endorsed Trump for president. Graham waved away concerns about Trump's hateful agenda with a few examples -- David and Moses, to be specific -- from this meme.

There's just one problem: Neither David nor Moses were committing the sins of adultery and anger (Graham cited Moses' anger issues) when they were granted authority over Israel.

Of David, God famously said he was "a man after My own heart." The Bible also says that God spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to a friend.

Check the 'poor and needy' tag again. Do you really think that Donald Trump is a friend of God, or a man after God's own heart?

How Concerned Are You?

Dear Evangelicals:

I wonder what this means in terms of who you're voting for on November 8.

What Would Jesus Say About the Distortion Of His Teachings?

What Would Jesus Say About the Distortion Of His Teachings?

Dear Evangelicals:

This article from The Huffington Post will surprise you, and just might suggest a new mission field to those of you who are really concerned about following Jesus' teachings.

I have never heard anyone say what Bernard Starr says here about the alarming disconnect between the teachings of Christianity -- and Judaism and Islam, for that matter -- and the actions of their adherents. This is mind-bending, life-changing stuff.

The Full Menu

Dear Evangelicals:

In Matthew 20:25-28 (NKJV), Jesus says this:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave ^-- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Yet you bow down before idiots, thieves, and deviants, and expect baby Christians to bow down before you. 

When he wrote that quote up there, Bishop Tutu was thinking like Jesus thinks. Jesus died so we all could and would be treated the way Bishop Tutu rightly demands to be treated in that quote. If you're not giving and demanding the full menu of human rights, you're just plain wrong.

Theology

Dear Evangelicals:

Ever notice that the only people Jesus talked theology with were the Pharisees and the Sadducees?

My solution for churchy, legalistic, pharasaiacal people is simply to out-church them. If they are excessively digging their Bible study, I am hearing from God directly. See what I did there? One-upmanship. Trust me, it scares them away every time.

If you're a non-Christian who's chanced upon this blog ... well, it helps -- if you're going to do battle with overbearing, self-proclaimed Christians -- to know the Bible. That said, I realize Bible study can bring up past traumas for some of you.

So, what do you do?

This quote suggests that you can save somebody -- without a lick of theology to your credit. Help the hungry, the homeless, widows, and orphans, the poor and the oppressed. Not with political donations, which are the non-religious equivalent to theology, but by getting off your butt and getting your hands dirty. Volunteer in a place where the poor and oppressed will reap the benefits of your charity immediately.

You do that, and you'll be a better Christian than the obnoxious theologian.

Blind and Brainless

Dear Evangelicals:

Again and again, the Bible tells us that if we pour ourselves out for the weak, the oppressed, the orphan, the widow, that we will prosper. God tells us repeatedly that, if we champion the oppressed -- those who cannot repay us -- that we will get rich.

How is that possible?

It certainly isn't possible with people -- with the Donald Trumps and the Koch Brothers and the Wall Street bankers of the world.

The only way it's possible is through God, who takes care of us when we take care of the weak. Who makes miracles. Who creates something from nothing.

The reason your ship hasn't come in is because you -- blind and brainless, God calls you in this passage -- keep trying to bring it in without His help.

Knock yourself out.

The, Um, Secret of Biblical Literacy

Dear Evangelicals:

The most incredible, astonishing, criminally-stupid thing about these kinds of phony prophecies? I know people who've been evicted, assaulted, subject to emotional abuse, or downsized, and they STILL talk trash about what "you" (never they themselves) attract. Some of them even subscribe to "Law of Attraction" Facebook groups.

Some folks even think this "Law of Attraction" filth, and books like The Secret are based on biblical principles. But then, there's a big difference between being educated and being intelligent. Degreed professionals are some of the dullest, most block-headed morons I've ever met.

So, what does the Bible say on this subject?

Proverbs 23:7 tells us that, "[As a person] thinks in his heart, so is he. Not "so has he", but "so is he". This verse is about character, not possessions, as the previous verse makes clear. In context, then, "Do not eat the bread of a miser, Nor desire his delicacies; For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."

But wait; there's more: In Matthew 5:45, Jesus says of our Heavenly Father, "He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Not, you will note, those who visualize the sun or the rain, according to their preference, being "attracted" to them. Ugh!

Knowing you, evangelicals, you'll stubbornly persist in this line of thinking, because it makes you look and sound powerful. If it's earthly power you're after, then, carry on.

Riffraff

Dear Evangelicals:

How biblically-illiterate to you have to be?

Jesus did not call us to hang out with "our own kind".

Cage Fight: Justice vs. Karma

Dear Evangelicals:

Isn't it strange that the Bible says this, while you say that the weak, the fatherless, the afflicted, and the destitute are in the mess they're in because they weren't living right?

No, the weak, the fatherless, the afflicted, and the destitute are in the mess they're in because you won't give them justice.

And you wonder why everybody seems to be turning on you in this election cycle.

Counsel For the Defense

Dear Evangelicals:

If there's something you should be talking about, it's this -- not yourself.

I Was A Stranger and You Took Me In

Dear Evangelicals:

As you regular Bible readers know, that's not exactly how Jesus puts it in Matthew 25. But it is exactly how they operate in the San Francisco Bay Area.

"I was a stranger and you" ... took me in, conned me, played me for a fool worked the ole bait and switch on me.

Is this what life should look like in a city that built its modern reputation on peace and love? Is this what life should look like in a city where hippie icon, Wavy Gravy, used to feed the homeless?

Ah, Northern California, where they talk blue and walk red.

And you, evangelicals? Is this what life in your city looks like? In your church?

What does the Bible tell you about that?

Designer Jeans and Living Within Your Means

Dear Evangelicals:

The ever-relevant J.K. Rowling tweeted the above reply to a fan and aspiring writer on August 22, 2016.

I've been thinking about what we "have to have" for many weeks now, and while Apple is certainly at the forefront of companies that use classist bigotry to shame us into spending more than we should, it is not the first.

Way back in the late 1970s, two companies -- Jordache and Gloria Vanderbilt -- sunk every dime they had into convincing middle class folks that we were socially inferior if we weren't wearing their designer jeans. Prior to that time, designer jeans didn't even exist. Now, you can't get away from them.

Fast forward to 2009, and a film documentary called The September Issue. It's the story of how Vogue magazine gets its mammoth, fall fashion issue to press. In it, then-Vogue editor, Andre Leon Talley, breathlessly informs us that it is his goal to use the magazine as a tool to prod middle class consumers into purchasing luxury goods as a matter of course.

Needless to say, Talley's dream went global, and now, middle class folks are working two or three jobs just to keep up. It turns out what they're keeping up with is the Joneses.

You know what the Bible says about this kind of thing. If you don't, do a quick read of Acts 4:32-37.

You can scream about socialism (and many of you do when confronted with this passage), or you can examine your own behavior. Do you look down on people because they don't have the MacBook Air, the gourmet sea salt caramels, the $200.00 shirt?

Any Christian worth the name would be lifting up people who can't afford those things. Any Christian worth the name would share those things, if they had them, with the least among us. Any Christian worth the name would boycott the mindless consumption of luxury goods and overpriced "necessities" like Apple computers, Starbucks coffee, and designer jeans. Any Christian worth the name would spit on the idea that brand equals value.

The question is, what kind of Christian are you?

GOP Lawmaker Botches Bible To Punish Poor

GOP Lawmaker Botches Bible To Punish Poor

Dear Evangelicals:

The fine, well-meaning folks who produce Religion Dispatches for the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism deliver this headline sort of breathlessly, as though it is news.

Indeed, it should be, but it isn't. Americhrist-worshiping posers like Tennessee's Rep. Fincher have been using the Bible as a weapon of mass destruction since the Religious Right rose to power in the 1980s.

This piece makes short work of Fincher's biblical illiteracy, pinpointing the origin and meaning of a favorite fundie clobber passage, used with numbing regularity to oppress the poor.

It is true that the apostle Paul did have a certain group in mind when he admonished early Christians that anyone who wouldn't work shouldn't be fed, either. This piece tells us exactly who those people are in today's economy, and it's not who you think.

Wake up, evangelicals; the poor aren't the only ones being oppressed by this privileged group.